Historically Not Terrible
Her Husband's Harlot by Grace Callaway
Ahhhh historical romance, who doesn't love a good historical romp? This book starts out in a really interesting way. Innocent beauty Lady Helena Harteford is given a rather dry explanation of how her "wifely duties" should be handled. Basically, her mother tells her to lie completely motionless, mash her eyes shut as tight as possible, and imagine she's somewhere else doing something more pleasant like...her needlework...or reading a book. Honestly, I just feel sorry for Helena's mother that she clearly has never gotten any pleasure from her husband. Ever. So, being the good well bred woman that she is Helena follows this advice and promptly scares the bejeesus out of her new husband. He, being not a virgin, apparently has no idea that sex can hurt the first time for a woman. So, when she cried out in pain he pulls out, doesn't finish, and abandons her. Then proceeds to avoid her like the literal plague. Thankfully, because this isn't a completely terrible book, Helena is smart and is pretty convinced that's not how things are supposed to be. She totally has the hots for her husband, but can't figure out how to get him back in bed.
SECRET PLOT: Lord Harteford has the hots for his wife, but he hurt her on their wedding night and because of that he is a MONSTER (at least in his own mind). For the most part he's hung up on the fact that he grew up an orphan, doing child labor, and stealing shit to get by. He's your basic street rat turned Prince Ali Babba when his biological father dies and reveals in his will that he was married (briefly) to the boy's mother, meaning he is a legitimate heir to all kinds of wealth and whatnot. But in his soul, he's still a monstrous street rat. Given that he didn't find out he was an heir until adulthood he's grown up and provided for himself, aka he has a JOB. *gasp* This is grounds for all kinds of social torment that just piles on the reasons why he isn't good enough to be married to Helena.
SECRET PLOT INCEPTION: Helena finds an invitation to a party at an upper class whorehouse and hatches a plan to confront her husband. She goes in disguise and accidentally ends up sleeping with her husband and keeps her identity a secret.
After Helena meets up with her husband in the whorehouse a long dry spell occurs. They meet, they touch, they ignite, but nothing happens. Over and over again. Helena can't possibly tell her husband who she is because he will hate her for liking sex, Lord Harteford can't tell his wife how much he wants her to like sex because he's supposed to be a well bred gentleman. What is it with all these historical dramas assuming that the upper class are prudes? There's a LOT of exposition in the many chapters about Lord Harteford's life as a criminal child, including a dark secret he has that he killed a guy once for molesting him. Supposedly this is building up to an epic finale.
Eventually Helena's secret comes out, they do it, it's glorious, now they do it all the time and Lord Harteford's past comes crashing down threatening the two day long bliss he's had so far with his wifey. There's so much DRAMA going on that the romance is a blip on the radar. And it concludes rather dully. The plot has some really great conflict build up and then it just kind of crumbles into a somewhat solution that happens to work for everyone and they all live happily ever after. The end.
HOWEVER, the prologue got super weird. They are riding home in their carriage when Helena decides to surprise her husband with some sexy times. It's all good until he sticks his finger in her butt, and she likes it. All I could think about was hygiene in the 18th/19th century and *gag*. Maybe some people are into butt stuff, but that's a no thanks from me. I know what comes out of there. I'm good.
Champagne Rating
3/5 - Not terrible, but loses points for sloppy plot work and looooooong dry spells.
SECRET PLOT: Lord Harteford has the hots for his wife, but he hurt her on their wedding night and because of that he is a MONSTER (at least in his own mind). For the most part he's hung up on the fact that he grew up an orphan, doing child labor, and stealing shit to get by. He's your basic street rat turned Prince Ali Babba when his biological father dies and reveals in his will that he was married (briefly) to the boy's mother, meaning he is a legitimate heir to all kinds of wealth and whatnot. But in his soul, he's still a monstrous street rat. Given that he didn't find out he was an heir until adulthood he's grown up and provided for himself, aka he has a JOB. *gasp* This is grounds for all kinds of social torment that just piles on the reasons why he isn't good enough to be married to Helena.
SECRET PLOT INCEPTION: Helena finds an invitation to a party at an upper class whorehouse and hatches a plan to confront her husband. She goes in disguise and accidentally ends up sleeping with her husband and keeps her identity a secret.
After Helena meets up with her husband in the whorehouse a long dry spell occurs. They meet, they touch, they ignite, but nothing happens. Over and over again. Helena can't possibly tell her husband who she is because he will hate her for liking sex, Lord Harteford can't tell his wife how much he wants her to like sex because he's supposed to be a well bred gentleman. What is it with all these historical dramas assuming that the upper class are prudes? There's a LOT of exposition in the many chapters about Lord Harteford's life as a criminal child, including a dark secret he has that he killed a guy once for molesting him. Supposedly this is building up to an epic finale.
Eventually Helena's secret comes out, they do it, it's glorious, now they do it all the time and Lord Harteford's past comes crashing down threatening the two day long bliss he's had so far with his wifey. There's so much DRAMA going on that the romance is a blip on the radar. And it concludes rather dully. The plot has some really great conflict build up and then it just kind of crumbles into a somewhat solution that happens to work for everyone and they all live happily ever after. The end.
HOWEVER, the prologue got super weird. They are riding home in their carriage when Helena decides to surprise her husband with some sexy times. It's all good until he sticks his finger in her butt, and she likes it. All I could think about was hygiene in the 18th/19th century and *gag*. Maybe some people are into butt stuff, but that's a no thanks from me. I know what comes out of there. I'm good.
Champagne Rating
3/5 - Not terrible, but loses points for sloppy plot work and looooooong dry spells.
Comments
Post a Comment